3/9/23
You get a lot of value out of what you do consistently for long lengths of time.
This is something, a shame to be missing from modern culture.
Who has traditions?
The tradition, done because tradition – no explanation necessary, imparts necessary discipline.
A coworker once told me of three generations of his family sitting around smoking marijuana together.
He was glad to do so with grandpa and grandma before they were gone.
A more extreme example yes, of what this culture imparts from one generation to the next – passing down television, texting, to the next.
As I drove the other day, noticing the cellphone addicts in other vehicles in the intersection around me, it struck me that many children as of yet unborn may never know a world where the driver of the vehicle they are in does not text and drive.
I pictured my future daughter looking at me and saying “daddy, sally’s parent doesn’t drive like you – how come you don’t text”.
Note that word choice, “parent” singular, nonspecific as to what parent.
Is that the world we will always live in?
…..
What are the rites of manhood?
Drinking beer? Your first job? Losing your virginity?
It is all rather banal, and mostly left to the devices of each boy individually.
At 14 I found pushups.
Here, now, at 28 I just did a few sets. It is about 11pm.
Yet another night they have been checked off.
…..
Yesterday, as of many days – with an ebb and flow, the urge to do them was weak. Not present.
I did them anyway.
Pushups are something I simply do.
Today, the three sets, no other pointed exercise today, today very light in activity, watching Ben Hur, The 10 Commandments, eating well – I can’t tell you how high the value I felt from doing the thing.
What difference would a day off make?
What do a handful of sets matter?
It can be all the world.
The difference between slovenly and pumped up.
Moreso where your mind is at.
Maybe you’re in a dark period, maybe you almost never want to do the reps…
Maybe you do the first set, which makes you better in outlook for the second, which increases again for the third, and upon standing your mind is telling you of naught but your individual greatness “fuck yeah I’m strong”, you look and your hands knowing your capability.
Smile son. Do the work. It will go your way…when it must. When the time is right.
What you must do is do what you must.
Forever. Always.
To drink deeply of living.
To be busy living.
To pride yourself in the manner in which you live, in how you carry yourself always.
Pushups have become religious to me.
A daily rite that I never skip.
100% accomplishment.
May 13, 2016 –
Arguably since about the 4th of July 2012.
What victories do you give yourself daily, 365, every year, year after year?
Best to create yourself victories.
None of the giving up epidemic to the culture at large.
The world, your world, is mostly in your mind, your actions, and your interpretations.
“I draw my line in the sand, this is where I intend to stand. And that’s my plan.”
– E Town Concrete “Battle Lines”
…..
12/23/22
We, as men, we must have our lines in the sand in life.
We accept this. We will not accept that.
2022 held a lot of pain for me.
A large part due to my crossing of my own lines repeatedly.
•I masturbated.
•I watched porn.
•I accepted being treated like shit.
Whether you’re getting shit or silver, you’re manifesting your desires from the universe.
Look inward. The answer is there.
Always was. Always will be.
“Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you.” – Luke 17:21 KJV
I’m just a sinner, yet made in God’s image.
He, Grandfather, myself, my future children – expect more of me.
Inward. Driven. A Line. Guts.
…..
Nature is beautiful, and yet the scariest thing in existence.
A wind storm is one thing, in it you’re hearing god’s wrath against the walls – I can only imagine what a tornado is like to experience.
An old dead tree came down, but didn’t take anything out this time.
The scariest, and yet also most impressive thing I’ve experienced was a fall hail storm, close to dark – the sky briefly blood red blurred by ice cube like precipitation, on a nebraska highway.
I was very happy to park my car for the night, then walked to a nearby gas station to get a half gallon of milk for the night.
I remember that detail. Milk is a big reoccurrence in my life.
The power out is forcing a bit of a fast.
Never open the fridge. Besides I’ve no way to cook without electricity anyway.
Crackers? I’ll just fast til whenever.
Though I had extended an invite to go out to eat which was turned down, nor do I particularly feel like going by myself to get a meatball sub and an iced coffee.
I like iced coffee, but have no tolerance for caffeine. It’s too late in the day, though that’s for the most part any time of day for me. :)-
…..
It’s funny that “gains” is made out to be some difficult thing.
It doesn’t take long – beginner gains get you most of the way there.
And then you never stop.
They’ll always stay with you.
Online they act like one missed workout/one workout too many, or one off diet meal/skipped meal is gonna ruin everything.
Good luck with that.
Even the homeless aren’t starving themselves weak.
A bunch of those dudes look like reasonably fit, if old, light heavyweights.
Humanity isn’t soft.
I’m doing pretty well on intermittent fasting where half of my meals end up being pizza.
…..
I sit outside for hours, all weather.
Most find this odd, and I have been ribbed about it many times.
That doesn’t bother me, just as the weather does not bother me, but is an enjoyment.
…..
The steak, ½lb leftovers still was around medium having been reheated (this kept autocorrecting to redhead) – I put relish on it, the relish I believe intended to be a little hot, but I have pretty high tolerance to that sort of thing unlike caffeine.
I can make a steak far better than any chain restaurant.
And it’s a quarter of the cost with healthier ingredients.
redhead – cause autocorrect & Christmas Eve Eve
…..
Dude, you went all of 2017 without porn, most of 2021 without masturbating.
An indoor with a level floor, well equipped gym, with people, training partners and shit…well that’d be too easy.
The Cold Air Barbell Club doesn’t have any of that.
The Cold Air Barbell Club is 500lbs, an extra barbell, a rickety adjustable squat/bench stand, and flimsy bench.
A piece of particle board and pair of rubber patio tiles.
A breeze can be ac, sometimes you’d rather it without.
The heater is hoodie, little black winter gloves, and skull cap.
Bluetooth headphones connected to the cellphone connected to my wifi – the skull cap goes over them, looks like a cossack’s hat, that’s the only way summer or winter to keep the headphones on.
Headphones? That’s coddled.
Truth is The Cold Air Barbell Club is a gift.
I’m the one out of a thousand that consistently lifts with my circumstance!
Drop a 300lb weight set in the yard.
Make it work!
Heck, I did you a favor – no commute, no monthy $$$, (sadly) none of the following :
none of the above are to be found lifting a barbell outdoors standing on particle board as it is 20° and snowing 🙂
The motivation is entirely internal!
1000 excuses, then you override with that 1 reason!
And you do what you must.
With circumstances where you have to have drive – you have to have drive!
There’s vitamin d, fresh air – you’re still a lifter.
Get a pump, build your 1rm, while as you do so…
Love the setup and breakdown – savor it. Overcome those little nags tempting you to not lift.
The logistics are perfect!
Carve some time out of your week, get your lift on.
12/8/22
Late last night, in the 11 o’clock hour, I did two things :
At about 1115pm I did a bunch of pushups, around 85 total, enough volume for the reps to be a struggle, enough to have my heart racing, enough to be gasping for air, and also to have a good pump.
An extreme euphoria from it all.
Even on days off I smash, at least some, pushups, while lately I have been getting very good pumps from doing so.
It’s a great habit, I suggest you too do your daily PT.
…..
As I wrote yesterday, 2022 has been – looking at the positive, a massive lesson in forgiving myself my sins, learning to chill/relax, and to rid myself of compulsive behaviors.
Yesterday I masturbated a bit before 11am.
Not requiring myself to shave.
Yesterday I watched, from about 5pm-8pm, a movie and some television.
I too spent about an hour and a half watching youtube, in two half hour to forty five minute chunks, one early afternoon, one late evening.
Call that four to five hours of “television” on the day, which is typical american consumption patterns.
I never did strictly define whether I considered “television” (movies/television/youtube) a shaving offense like both masturbation and porn had been for two years the former, six years the latter.
…..
Then I chose to partake in something, and to enjoy doing so…
This had the potential to really mess with me.
Can I forgive myself?
Will I ignore any compulsion I may feel to shave?
I chose to watch porn.
Then set an “I’m not masturbating, nor watching past midnight” line in the sand.
I was in lust
I kept to that roughly half hour of porn.
I did not masturbate.
…..
There were lessons applied today :
•forgive myself
•ignore compulsions should they arise
•set the sin/vice/time waste as “not habit forming”
•if you give into the flesh – move on with a snap of the fingers
•still exercise willpower
•live in the moment, the past is dead
•take positive action
•pray
…..
feel his comforting presence
Lord, I pray for strength, guidance, to be a better man, for opportunity, and the ability to take them.
12/7/22
Even on an off day, I still do my pushups.
The plan for eating may not have happened, the lifting may not have happened, but the pushups still did.
Every day. Every day. Every day.
Every day!
I genuinely don’t know that I couldn’t.
It’s been integrated into me for so long.
…..
What has been the lesson of 2022?
To forgive yourself.
I learned it again this morning, without having caved to that desire for porn – upon sleeping in, I masturbated upon rising, minutes before 11am.
For about two years I’d been shaving if I masturbated.
In December of both last year and the year before, I lost my beard, both times 4-6months worth, with that very compulsion.
Right now, just having passed 10 weeks worth, is the longest it’s been this year as between a lack of discipline and a lot of compulsion I’d been mostly at 2-3 weeks of stubble, shave, repeat all year.
For six years I’d been shaving if I watched porn.
The compulsions grew, eventually it became shaving 24 hours after the violation with a brand new razor.
10 weeks ago when I shaved last it was not with a new razor, and while I remember this I broke the compulsion.
Today I’ve chosen that I’m not going to shave for having masturbated once in the last 70-72 days.
Tonight I’m going to buzz my head, and shape the beard some – make myself look better – not punish myself.
It makes little sense to start back at day 0, clean shaven – generally it’s better when I have a beard.
If God forgives us all, why shoot yourself in the foot with unnecessary self inflicted punishment?
Doing so is the wrong path.
Dude, chill. You’re on “uptime” so much, relax a bit – EVERYONE says you’re intense.
Repent. Move on.
You’re a sinner. We all are.
Be your best. Be the best you can be.
God has already forgiven you.
Make the most of your life.
10/25/22
I don’t care anymore, and because of this – I thrive.
A year has been spent military pressing outside.
A little pointed focus and finally I got to a 225+ military press.
As I currently lay off from the weights, a first for me to do by choice as my history is long on compulsion to lift, I expect when I go back to run a bent row centric period.
A bent row centric period is back building, my upper back development being to me a narcissistic joy, and the building of a more stable base for launching the press skywards.
After the period of bent rows would be a pressing period again, a drive to 255, from a point that has more than likely not back slid from the recent PR of 230.
Bent row feeds into the clean, the clean the more challenging aspect for me of the press, considering that I press many reps from just one light heave or clean per set.
…..
After every shift of a dead end job, one I approached the other day with a laugh and a “damn is this shit simple – never a reason to stress”, I have swung tree branches like a mace.
That was the year’s temporarily rigid PT requirement.
“If I am not going to the gym after work I will swing this tree branch mace without exception!”
An interesting builder of hands, back, and biceps it is – I intend to keep doing it, and am now mixing in work with the heavier of the two branches.
…..
While I am on what is nearly a 6½ year active streak of daily pushups, I broke a compulsion to have to do 100+ “reps” each day.
Like lifting, all these rigidities, I have pointedly looked to, and done, break the compulsion – the past couple months.
Years of “woody woodpeckers”… right now I’m doing strict nose to floor pushups.
No rep count requirement, just good sets while feeling with my very being how this builds me up.
My upper back looks great.
My only aesthetic concern truly a performance thing – I have implemented neck bridging for a thicker, sexier, stronger, more manly neck.
I’d say my #1 movement right now, moreso than pushups as my minimalistic fall back option, is the old school deep knee bend.
Take the arm motion out of the hindu squat!
I hold my fists against my chin in a peek-a-boo guard, and pointedly reverse breathe…out as I go down, in as I rise – with power, this breathing pattern very much the makings of a human piston powering through the movement pattern.
There’s value to having visualization and/or thoughts of “power”, “brute strength”, and related as you actually do the thing.
Not to exercise mindlessly, but to be focused on the result of what you are doing as you do it.
With deep knee bends I want to smash through 100+ reps quickly, each rep the picture of power, yet the legs too well enduring.
That’s up on the “video in a few months” queue.
Might as well do some outdoors in winter training videos.
…..
I have done very few pullups this year, while dreams of pullup ability have been a regular occurrence.
Very likely a hint.
this sketch strikes me as very sensual
…..
Ironically (considering the above written hours earlier, of being on a lifting layoff), after a full two weeks off, after yesterday on a whim surprising myself with a wall handstand pushup, today having listened to a track I usually PR to – I got amped up, dropped what I was doing, then pressed and snatched.
A light rain, very high humidity, singing along (in this case terribly) to the headphones between the few sets :
Press
5×185
2×205
Snatch
1×135
1×155
An abbreviated yard weightlifting session, enough to remember why I lift…
BECAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL FUCKING PHENOMENAL
Got a lat and bicep pump actually, good form on cleans oddly, when I snatch I do so well within my limits but still account the bicep pump to the movement – I’m sure I’m arm pulling.
…..
Weightlifting Related :
Warming up into it does let you lift heavier and smoother.
The thing is, by skipping the warm ups you have a thumb on, accurately, what you are always capable of.
It amuses me much how pressing 185lbs is baked in – has been for years.
At a no longer open gym I regularly would press the 185lb rogue yoke on my way in and out – makes me desire having a yard yoke for this exact purpose, in passing, high frequency, displays of “I am stronger than you.”
Likely good for it should I actually warm up into it, I will be pleased when I finally press 10×185 in this no warm up manner.
More pleased when 10×225 no warm up is my walk around, more especially if it be done on a thick handled axle.
…..
axles > barbells
There is nothing to be said otherwise.
I was fond of the thompson squat bar at 65 or 75lbs, thicker than a regular barbell.
The thickness of bar often a plus to smith machines as well, the smith machine, gasp, being a better bench than a barbell bench in three out of four categories.
…..
This physical stuff is so simple, it’s not worth obsessing over (good luck), nor at present worth putting more than 10 or 15 minutes a day towards.
Smash into the high reps like a piston on deep knee bends.
Strict pushup doing as many strict nose to floor as you can.
Do some neck bridging.
You’ve got a few minutes of daily PT right there, while it’s the honest effort into the simple thing that carries you.
Lift when the mood is there, staying within your means, every so often increasing the numbers.
Without pullup bar access (weighted on a playground maybe), occasionally do total gym pullups like the pushups or deep knee bends.
Dive into simple, a 300lb sandbag takes a reinvestment of maybe $15, and travels well – with it you’ve got shouldering, and at least the option to include training partners when lifting at public parks.
Training partners which, like fit chicks as well, seems hard to come by right now GOD DAMN IT! :)-
…..
Daily exercise is worth doing solely for the mood elevation.
Your legs always a tad muscularly sore from a deep knee bend habit, makes any and all bullshit out to no sweat off your back.
…..
There’s no reason I can’t open my own gym, fill it with good people, and have a blast every day in every way.
Build up a good culture in the place, be the owner/management to therefore dodge that hassle, and just get wicked strong, playing around, while paid, and able to teach in person – where it helps the most.
10/16/22
I went to evening service, after the service spoke with the pastor for the first time in about 11 months.
I hadn’t went there in 10½, nor had a conversation like this in 11½ months.
Spoke openly – a parking lot confessional of all the pain I’ve felt the past year, the falling off the wagon into sin, the going reclusive – hiding away in my bedroom from the world, continuing to show up to a dead end job, having slept too many days away.
The shit I did to myself.
I knew at some point I’d be back on track, and that I’d have this conversation with him in the parking lot after evening service.
Now rising.
…
See, you only harm yourself by participating in the vices.
No matter where you are, go to bed, read, do some pushups, take a walk, whatever the positive action is that gets you back on to the right track.
I’m never watching porn again.
Not hard not to.
The prerequisites to it are sin, the watching nfl football, the endless television programming and advertisements – I make the hard drug a non-issue by not participating in the gateway drugs.
(Note to self : statements, not “I thinks”, or often questions. Statements.)
Don’t watch ufc, punch a bag yourself, join a boxing, mma, or bjj place yourself.
Life is about participation.
Spectation is sin.
It’s an easy guideline to live by.
Don’t watch. Participate.
Otherwise the years just slip away.
Done too much of that.
…..
Commit.
…..
Believe in yourself, in your value as a good person, a good human being.
Smile.
If it’s out of your control, shrug your shoulders – move on.
It’s not any external opinion of you.
It’s your internal opinion of yourself.
Every day run your day a little better than the last.
Dude, it was a huge step having learnt to forgive yourself.
Minimize compulsions – build up the ones that work for you, while minimizing those that don’t.
You’re not a meathead. You’re you.
THE YOU WHO CHARGED THE PITBULL THAT DAY
You PT, you don’t workout.
You’re smashing the bridges, deep knee bends, and pushups before going to make a little money for a reason.
…..
(all tenses, past, present, future) Implement the following, live it, let it be your entire being ;
The answer is to live fearlessly with all of your very being in the surety of “If God be for us, who can be against us” about EVERYTHING of this world.
We’ll see how far into this smorgasbord of restaurant and grocery store food I’ll get.
Similar menus, ground beef and broccoli on both.
I ate half my employee comped burger, scarfed it down as leftover ground beef, mac (technically shells), and veggies (this meal being what I called half a week’s food prep) with my employee comped portion of broccoli added to it – heated up.
The leftovers alone would be a usual big meal, a day’s food in general, but today I spent ~11h in the kitchen (plus that nice hour in the sun on break), smashed my morning PT in 5:00 before work, did my mace swings after, will do another set of pushups before the day is done, in general just had a high metabolic day.
I was moving around more at work then necessary, it feels better that way – hadn’t done so in months ←this is the way to approach it.
“Waste” (ie spend well) that energy dancing around, dipping down to check the oven, playing drums with the spatula, moving in the moment, three trips into the fridge instead of one because because because because
It’s part of the wonderful thing I does!
…
I can’t wait to lift before work tommorow!
That’s a positive that I’ve got.
Got the power cleans, got the sldl, got the presses.
Wow – what I was going to say :
All the hours on my feet.
All the morning and evening PT.
All the mace swings, all the lifts, all the beef and broccoli – my torso is clearly leaner than it was two weeks back.
I don’t see it in my face yet, but the beard is going to hide that anyway!
It’s growing back!
I’m not going to mess that up.
Work was capital B, bullshit, I think they were tossing extra food in my to go container, I’ve got like three days worth of food from this one shift, – the manager even admitting that I had every right to walk, quit, cause of shit on the shift.
shit on shift
sos
Shit on a shingle is good.
Which reminds me of my Grandpa.
Bullshit at work?
I stuck.
I stuck.
I stuck!
Less than three weeks til a year there. I’m doing that to say I did.
Fuck you, I’m not quitting cause you’re a little prick. You walk out. This is my job.
I backed my car into the spot, popped the door, swung out a leg, picked up a piece of sentimental value, a piece of my first car…a bit of plastic from the interior of my Grandpa’s car – which he willed to me when he passed when I was 14.
“I swear Grandpa”, a tear in my eye as I held that piece of plastic THAT I NEVER LOST ;
(My car version of a pocket treasure.)
I’m not masturbating.
I’m not running like a bitch to, my vice of choice, porn – not being a bitch cause a dead end job showed to be dead end with a miserable kitchen fuck, a rude waiter, and (not there today, but in general) a manager with his napoleon complex or something against me.
Fuck that! I’ve got pushups to do.
Late 2021 and basically all of 2022 has been a lesson for me in the world TRYING to tell me what I am (basically a big ball of “not good enough”), and me STARING IT IN THE EYE, & Spitting…NO I’M NOT!
I was weak and watched porn.
I put myself into this situation…
And I’m growing wings. Digging? Nah, Rising like a phoenix.
I couldn’t tell you when I did mantra pushups last…before a minute ago.
60ish, mantras – power
I’m the Man I am
I know who I am, he’s not what you say, he’s what I say – he’s great!
…
Approach each day with a smile, be the one who radiates positivity, spite the negative shit around you.
Your life is your personal challenge to thrive. Smile. Pray. Take action. Live. Thrive.
Make life so eventful there’s no such thing as considered minutia.
10/5/22
Certain blood types must be more tasty to mosquitos.
Carb consumption (they all become sugar in the body) factors in as well.
I recall playing wiffleball and football in my youth, and I’d be the only kid getting bitten.
Mosquitos being the worst part of childhood in New England compared to SoCal.
must be mosquitos
(SoCal’s worst aspect? Never ending strip mall, no grass, suburban anti-culture, etc.)
Going on hikes with my uncle were almost an exercise in mental toughness due to getting eaten alive.
However, the last time or two I was with my uncle he noticed that wasn’t happening to me.
He recalled how badly they feasted upon me in the past.
Yet, it wasn’t happening now in 2022.
Now, I’m seated outside.
Barely sheltered from the rain, cringing about getting wet on my walk back to the door (unlike me, being he who sits outside regardless) – wearing a hoodie and pants, but barefoot – I had lifted, and outside yet able to still connect to the wifi (scary – it’s EVERYWHERE, but has it’s advantages too lol) I listened to some Wim Hof clips.
I brushed one mosquito off my foot, but after a few minutes of pointedly breathing…no mosquitos.
The science says Wim Hof breathing is changing the alkilinity of your blood, the oxygen coming into you, etc.
I believe in the power of belief over the body, of the power of the mind over the vessel in which it resides.
A prayer, victory pose, deep breathing, visualization, and a belief in your fundamental resiliency…you’re set.
…..
Why are you saying it’s not enough sleep?
Why are you saying it’s tiring?
What is the purpose of that cup of coffee, that “energy” drink?
You think you can’t do more, accomplish more, be busier, with far less free time, yet more energy, and far more work done.
You can accomplish.
…..
Physical energy follows mental mood more than anything.
A certain mundane, accepted/comfortable, depression is where you do the least.
Other bad headspaces make you full of fire – I got strong as shit lifting at 2am alone on a preworkout honey bun.
Genuinely happy/content (I’ve been there in life while disregarding job circumstance), and you’re at peak personality, most outgoing, most energetic, talking to the most people, sleeping the least, working out the most, savoring the food, loving the connections, etc.
…..
I feel better with myself, in my day, having worked out.
Weights as often as available, otherwise rack up the calisthenic mini sessions.
Though fairly introverted, I am a storyteller, the medieval bard transplanted into the modern day, it is in my genes – as the little kid content to play all day alone yet once around people he would talk your ear off with the experiences he had – to passionately share them!
9/23
Television has no draw to me, and I’ve noted that when I participate in that spectation that I’m more likely to participate in what had been my problem vice – porn.
A day ran right doesn’t include time to watch garbage, it only has time to do.
Long hours at a dead end job can be a gift.
You have to approach it right.
Use your current circumstances, milk them for all it’s worth.
It forces you to either waste time, oversleeping, under living, and having a cry about it, or…
It forces you to live with purpose and structure.
IT FORCES YOU TO LIVE WITH PURPOSE AND STRUCTURE!
Every day I am doing PT and lifting.
I HAVE TO do my daily PT and lift.
It may be highly condensed, but each day I am able to say that I pressed, squatted (lifting), did pushups, neck bridge, and deep knee bends (PT).
Swing that tree branch (mace) after work.
Just this morning, I, no shit, did a 3+3 press and squat “York Barbell Complex” ;
GOT THAT LIFT IN!
Had to. Couldn’t not.
It was gonna happen.
Then I go to work 12 hours of food prep and line cooking.
Or not at that job – I’m lifting close to dinner time, going to the store to buy dinner, come home, cook dinner, eat something nutritious that I just made.
I’ve been taking pride in cooking meals lately.
Looking more jacked.
Looking leaner.
I’m not eating “clean”, but it’s going that direction, while in the moment it’s “feed the beast” with enough nutrition on a very varied daily calorie intake.
The large quantity of milk I drink in the evening has been earned, and cause I’m drinking it while so wiped out…that cold glass of god’s gift to mankind in fluid of bovine’s form is FAR MORE refreshing than in general.
I don’t know what’s next.
I’m having a hard time seeing past right now, having a hard time envisioning something better to come…SO I’M ENJOYING THIS MINUTE! THIS SECOND!
Living in the moment.
Getting into it with a smile.
Singing with the food prep guy to Hatebreed, country, and the women manager’s chagrin.
Wait staff goes “whoo” kinda loud?
I “Ric Flair” back! WHOO!
Not participating in bullshit.
Taking this job for what it is – being paid for 40 hours on my feet with half the week free.
Hitting my daily lift. Doing my daily PT.
CAN’T STOP ME!
