December 2022 Flow – 12/8/22 – No Longer Habit Forming & No Longer A Compulsion :

12/8/22
Late last night, in the 11 o’clock hour, I did two things :

At about 1115pm I did a bunch of pushups, around 85 total, enough volume for the reps to be a struggle, enough to have my heart racing, enough to be gasping for air, and also to have a good pump.

An extreme euphoria from it all.

Even on days off I smash, at least some, pushups, while lately I have been getting very good pumps from doing so.

It’s a great habit, I suggest you too do your daily PT.

…..

As I wrote yesterday, 2022 has been – looking at the positive, a massive lesson in forgiving myself my sins, learning to chill/relax, and to rid myself of compulsive behaviors.

Yesterday I masturbated a bit before 11am.

Not requiring myself to shave.

Yesterday I watched, from about 5pm-8pm, a movie and some television.

I too spent about an hour and a half watching youtube, in two half hour to forty five minute chunks, one early afternoon, one late evening.

Call that four to five hours of “television” on the day, which is typical american consumption patterns.

I never did strictly define whether I considered “television” (movies/television/youtube) a shaving offense like both masturbation and porn had been for two years the former, six years the latter.

…..

Then I chose to partake in something, and to enjoy doing so…

This had the potential to really mess with me.

Can I forgive myself?

Will I ignore any compulsion I may feel to shave?

I chose to watch porn.

Then set an “I’m not masturbating, nor watching past midnight” line in the sand.

I was in lust

I kept to that roughly half hour of porn.

I did not masturbate.

…..

There were lessons applied today :

•forgive myself
•ignore compulsions should they arise
•set the sin/vice/time waste as “not habit forming”
•if you give into the flesh – move on with a snap of the fingers
•still exercise willpower
•live in the moment, the past is dead
•take positive action
•pray

…..

feel his comforting presence

Lord, I pray for strength, guidance, to be a better man, for opportunity, and the ability to take them.

Thank you.

Persistence & Tenacity


jelly roll – son of a sinner