I recall back at 14 years of age, taking matters into my own hands, by starting nightly sets of pushups, and situps.
The pushups something I’ve done very religiously since.
I recall being on my bedroll in my grandma’s living room that summer, doing two sets of each, and telling myself if I didn’t give my all on any of the sets that it could be the death of me or someone I care about (picturing infantry squad mates at the time) later in life, saying to self that “the effort in the now matters so much, that wimping out here, could be death there”.
It was a brutal mindset, formed in the mind of a fat 14 year old boy, becoming a man, starting to train was a coming of age moment, in the mind of a 14 year old who hated what he looked like (with small limbs, tits on a guy, and a gut), and hated getting out of breath should he require running.
In middle school taking the pacer test was embarrassing, I remember joking about it to down play it at the time. However I was a FAST base runner, 212lbs of middle schooler having stole second and third, about to run the catcher over.
Whoom Bam!
Until the summer between 8th and 9th grade I did no exercises on my own accord, that is what those pushups and situps were, my 14 year old idea of self betterment (the only exercises I knew, could do, and had logistical access to).
It was fueled by hate. Self hatred at appearance, getting winded easily, and wrapping that up with self talk that not putting in true effort on my nightly PT would mean death in a very personal way in the future.
Not PTing right was being viewed as an act of cowardice under fire.
I went from 212 to 178 as a high school freshman, from not being able to run a mile, to almost passing out the first time I ran an 8:00 mile, being made to sit down, rest, and sit out the drill portion of class after by the JROTC instructor, and by the end of the school year running a best of about 6:15, regularly under 6:20.
And I did the pacer test past the first recording as a freshman, cracking jokes and laughing the entire time, cocky, a performance hugely better than it had been in middle school.
Starting out I trained motivated by hate.
I look back, and compare to the present.
Generally I workout because it is what I do, and I enjoy doing so. I enjoy working out, so I do so daily. I still do daily pushups, that has been nearly unbroken from the start.
The pushups are a religious devotion to me, I’ll hit 5 years without a missed day very soon.
However while looking at my working out at present, I realize that I categorize it as working out vs training, and the mental purpose is more for enjoyment than a burning passion of self hate FORCING me to change rapidly.
The 14 year old mindset was raging, intense, burning with desire to change so as to NOT feel self hate. I was forging myself into something to be proud of.
It was more intense by miles.
I reminisce on this frame of mind which I had half my life in the past, and think to myself :
“You’d be better off getting this mentality back, and going 500 burpees a day, done as fast as possible, to be done indefinitely at some outdoor spot or another regardless of weather, going this til you like your lean & mean frame, and doing so daily to earn the dips & chins that you enjoy each night.”
Persistence & Tenacity