12/7/22
Even on an off day, I still do my pushups.
The plan for eating may not have happened, the lifting may not have happened, but the pushups still did.
Every day. Every day. Every day.
Every day!
I genuinely don’t know that I couldn’t.
It’s been integrated into me for so long.
…..
What has been the lesson of 2022?
To forgive yourself.
I learned it again this morning, without having caved to that desire for porn – upon sleeping in, I masturbated upon rising, minutes before 11am.
For about two years I’d been shaving if I masturbated.
In December of both last year and the year before, I lost my beard, both times 4-6months worth, with that very compulsion.
Right now, just having passed 10 weeks worth, is the longest it’s been this year as between a lack of discipline and a lot of compulsion I’d been mostly at 2-3 weeks of stubble, shave, repeat all year.
For six years I’d been shaving if I watched porn.
The compulsions grew, eventually it became shaving 24 hours after the violation with a brand new razor.
10 weeks ago when I shaved last it was not with a new razor, and while I remember this I broke the compulsion.
Today I’ve chosen that I’m not going to shave for having masturbated once in the last 70-72 days.
Tonight I’m going to buzz my head, and shape the beard some – make myself look better – not punish myself.
It makes little sense to start back at day 0, clean shaven – generally it’s better when I have a beard.
If God forgives us all, why shoot yourself in the foot with unnecessary self inflicted punishment?
Doing so is the wrong path.
Dude, chill. You’re on “uptime” so much, relax a bit – EVERYONE says you’re intense.
Repent. Move on.
You’re a sinner. We all are.
Be your best. Be the best you can be.
God has already forgiven you.
Make the most of your life.
……
Persistence & Tenacity