The Public Edition :
On 1/27/21 I was not pleased with myself for masturbating.
See while approaching the 1 year mark (10/21/20) of being porn free I had decided to quit masturbation.
1/27/21 was the 100th day without masturbating. I was shy of making the full 100 days by hours.
I said no masturbation for life.
1/27/21 was a cave, and 2/8/21 (today), 12 days later, is another.
Maybe this one is the last, having gone back on my word twice here.
I know I have amazing capacity for self discipline, so we’ll see.
I’m smiling. I expect good things.
Punishment & Self Discipline :
On the 27th I did “half a shave for half a cave”, trimming the beard.
With a short beard for a few days after, I kept thinking I needed to discipline myself, and compulsively ended up shaving fully.
Caving this second time on no masturbation for life, I’m shaving again with the same self discipline protocols I used to rid myself of porn.
Now I like having a beard.
Years ago I started shaving anytime I caved to watching porn.
Many say punishment doesn’t work, well guess what, I disagree.
I’m speaking from experience.
I caved for a couple years here and there to watching porn when I said I was through with it.
I didn’t stick to my word there like I hadn’t with what is the next, and natural, step up from no porn – zero masturbation.
However not once did I not discipline myself since March 2018 when I had that first inkling of “if you cave, you shave”.
I’ve been perfectly consistent with the self administered punishment when I’ve slipped on my own word, and done the vice.
With no masturbation naturally following no porn, my requirement of shaving has been added to it additionally.
Both ends, the next step in self betterment, and the punishment for caving off of that path are the natural steps forward.
So I’ll be clean shaven 24+ hours after the cave as that’s the protocol I’d been using with porn.
The application of punishment was how I got myself to truly quit porn.
It took time, about a year and a half, to me going “I’m never shaving for porn again”, and sticking to it.
I expect that in the future this shaving protocol will be applied to other things on my path of self improvement.
This sounds somewhat close to self torment, yet I’m smiling (it’s all perception), as I see it as simply making myself better while keeping my beard.
If I feel I have to shave because of having done something, it’s an action I must not do.
It’s my unconscious self sending direction my way.
Persistence & Tenacity