1/17/21
I go somewhere quiet. I wonder can I go 20 minutes without noise?
No speaking. No listening. No reading.
I set a timer.
No checking the timer.
That’s something I used to do ; check the timer because minutes in silence can feel long.
It’s why while doing timed holds I like to have someone call out the ticks every so often – hearing the time in/time left is a trick for time to speed up.
It’s easier that way.
Because of this no checking the time.
I’m sitting there. With the breeze it’s a bit chilly.
Thinking.
Good thoughts. Bad thoughts.
By checking in, you train yourself to think better thoughts.
Stuff that bothers you, it will be forgotten, otherwise you reframe.
Everything in life can be told in story. Everything is a learning experience.
A simple reframe and it’s no longer mundane.
I highly recommend getting away from the noise.
It’s why I don’t take in the news. It’s why I don’t watch video.
Why go home and just fill the room with flashing noise?
As is there’s enough noise people – passive aggressive, fearful, negative.
I see no purpose in hitting yourself with more of the same from a source that never sleeps, never eats, never hydrates.
Wow! I just got hit with a warm ray of sunshine as I typed the above.
I had stopped typing a minute. The ray came back as I continue.
There are people who sleep with the television on. That’s not healthy.
I look at those who spend lifetimes in front of it, and they’re all emotionally combinations of lonely, sad, scared, angry, bitter.
The whole slew of negative emotions.
I won’t do that to myself.
I’ve cut out much of my consumption.
Even positives.
To trust my own thinking, gut, and instincts.
Some consumption, months later I’ve retained :
The next few paragraphs (italicized) come from a rough draft, I’ve now typed up where I feel they fit.
Wes Watson has “die slow” tattooed on his knuckles.
I get it. I understand the sentiment. The meaning is clear to me.
I don’t want life to go by quickly!
That’s the meaning of “die slow”, it’s about living life to the fullest.
To not have your shit day, day after day go by quickly, but to have perfectly ran day after perfectly ran day go slowly, feeling every moment of pain, every moment of pleasure, joy, every experience experienced fully – never hiding, never numbing yourself to the world.
Having pasted and touched that up the sun shined directly upon me again, and I shivered with the wind.
“feeling every moment of pain, every moment of joy, every experience experienced fully – never hiding, never numbing yourself to the world” – I was articulating this as a teenager, looking at bad habits (video games, television, porn) more and more for the negatives they are until I cut them out completely.
The sun has come through, and stayed upon me, as I go back to sitting quietly.