In no particular order, just the order they came to me 21 reasons why you are small.
1. You’re small because you ask for advice on getting bigger, then come up with the exact mean of 8.4 excuses as to why you can’t eat more.
(Amazingly, they always come up with exactly 8.4 excuses.)
2. You’re falsely claiming lactose intolerance. By using this excuse you deny yourself milk, ice cream, heavy cream…but wait, you’ll eat ice cream…and isn’t lactose a protein meaning you COULD drink heavy cream.
3. You’re scared of high saturated fat and/or cholesterol intake.
4. You think raw eggs will harm you. If only you knew how many some drink.
5. You’re a picky eater.
6. You think diet must be perfectly clean, meanwhile a tasty frozen pizza is all sad & alone. You’re neglecting it.
7. You’re not drinking nutritious calories : milk, heavy cream, olive oil, raw eggs, shakes made with all of the above and more.
8. You tend to eat 90s low fat instead of manly meat sources.
Are you my grandma circa 2000?
9. Budget!
10. You train like a small, weak human or relatedly don’t train but do live on xbox and mountain dew like the most injury prone dude I ever knew.
11. Your calorie intake seems low…to a starving african child. Big people eat 5000 calories a day. Sumo, football, bodybuilders – 5000 calories.
12. You think you can’t crush 5k calories.
13. You think the budget required to reach 5000 calories a day is impossibly high. What are you, a college educated girl shopping only organic at whole foods? Milk. Top Ramen. Chicken thigh.
14. You’ve hypnotized yourself into having “bad” genetics instead of the best genetics.
15. Your posture is sad like puny girly built male.
16. You think you don’t have the right equipment. Truth is you don’t even need equipment.
17. You spend too much time online reading about training, much more time than you do actually training.
18. You obsess over taking a preworkout.
19. You buy supplements and partake in them in some manner (snorting?) instead of spending the same money on food and actually eating food. Tuna is similar in cost and calorie to cheap whey, but your body will actually digest it.
20. You haven’t given it enough time.
21. You obviously don’t want to be bigger.