10/16/22
I went to evening service, after the service spoke with the pastor for the first time in about 11 months.
I hadn’t went there in 10½, nor had a conversation like this in 11½ months.
Spoke openly – a parking lot confessional of all the pain I’ve felt the past year, the falling off the wagon into sin, the going reclusive – hiding away in my bedroom from the world, continuing to show up to a dead end job, having slept too many days away.
The shit I did to myself.
I knew at some point I’d be back on track, and that I’d have this conversation with him in the parking lot after evening service.
Now rising.
…
See, you only harm yourself by participating in the vices.
No matter where you are, go to bed, read, do some pushups, take a walk, whatever the positive action is that gets you back on to the right track.
I’m never watching porn again.
Not hard not to.
The prerequisites to it are sin, the watching nfl football, the endless television programming and advertisements – I make the hard drug a non-issue by not participating in the gateway drugs.
(Note to self : statements, not “I thinks”, or often questions. Statements.)
Don’t watch ufc, punch a bag yourself, join a boxing, mma, or bjj place yourself.
Life is about participation.
Spectation is sin.
It’s an easy guideline to live by.
Don’t watch. Participate.
Otherwise the years just slip away.
Done too much of that.
…..
Commit.
…..
Believe in yourself, in your value as a good person, a good human being.
Smile.
If it’s out of your control, shrug your shoulders – move on.
It’s not any external opinion of you.
It’s your internal opinion of yourself.
Every day run your day a little better than the last.
Dude, it was a huge step having learnt to forgive yourself.
Minimize compulsions – build up the ones that work for you, while minimizing those that don’t.
You’re not a meathead. You’re you.
THE YOU WHO CHARGED THE PITBULL THAT DAY
You PT, you don’t workout.
You’re smashing the bridges, deep knee bends, and pushups before going to make a little money for a reason.
…..
(all tenses, past, present, future) Implement the following, live it, let it be your entire being ;
The answer is to live fearlessly with all of your very being in the surety of “If God be for us, who can be against us” about EVERYTHING of this world.