8/27/22 Flow – Freedom

This is approaching 5k

8/27/22 ~1215am
I have had an epiphany ; for the better part of a year I had struggled with the motivation to lift, to workout, to train, which to me is strongly correlated to my general mood with life.

•I had been depressed.
•I had looked at all the bad.
•I had done my version of falling off the wagon, and in all honesty expect to continue the lite version – watching television, likely with strawberry milk and restaurant food as soon as I have finished this flow write.

I hadn’t been looking at what I have :

•I have a doorway chin up bar.
•I have a good barbell.
•I have plates to load it on the ground to 500lbs.
•I have rickety stands safe to load to at the very least 300lbs for front squats and back squats.

That’s a better setup than afforded to many. Hunger is what accomplishes, excuses are bogus.

When I arise, technically today, I have already given myself an extra hour before work with my alarm.

I shall power clean & press.

As I sat outside the shower, alternatively thinking and praying, I realized a session each at 10×3, 10×5, 10×8, 10×10 then add weight, makes sense to me for military press, every 3rd to 5th day, occasionally throw in a rather light ≈50 rep press set on an off day, do an amrap hang clean after the 10 sets of presses, something for squats either that day or alongside curls on a day sandwiched between the press sessions…

Maybe this new outlook shall see me start to lift daily again, as I have in the past rigidly said low frequency, while allowing myself to up it as motivation grows, and have done so.

Though a non barbell rigid – start and end each day on the doorway chin up bar.

I PR’d last summer at either 27 or 29 reps with some grip or other (on a different bar,  I do not recall the exacts other than it was under 30 and not 28 reps lol), I shall do 1 rep before laying to bed, and 1 rep to start tommorow.

This very well may be done adding a rep per set as slowly as every 7-14 days.

•I am okay with this.
•The doorway chin up bar isn’t ideal. You can’t hang completely.
•I have it.
•This keeps me from being detrained.

If I was to go to socal, rejoin the gym there I actually liked, take a shot at “fitness lifestyle” (or however to define it as) it would be wrong to go there depressed and detrained!

Therefore :
•have a pullup (technically chin up) base, 2×8 daily with the aforementioned approach is easy peasey and a base to jump from
•military press better, I want 10×225 as a solid “I’ll rock the gym floor with this” metric/level (el narcisismo – mi tengo lol)
•curl 8×165, same rationale
•even if it’s something I’ve easily done in the past like a 20×275 squat or whatever – have a squat base built, then if I’m in cali (or az, nv technically again, nm, or wherever) go psycho on the actual sets for high reps

Note : losing yourself in high rep squats, 20-50 reps in a set, is the best thing you’ll do for yourself in bodybuilding, and possibly athletically.

A high rep squat makes a difference. In all of it.

I have decided to stick with this job for a full year.

That means I have ~8 weeks to go before I, may or may not, leave the job and or/region.

I looked at the socal bodybuilding gym in instagram around 1130pm last night.

I realized that if I’m going west in 8+ weeks that I should not, and will not be going there depressed and detrained.

The only reason to go to morlock is to lift, personal train, and do fitness youtube, (likely instagram as well).

I’d have to make it $50k/yr as a minimum just as a single man.

Cali is nuts expensive, and living underemployed while answering to those corporate america deems above you is no way to live.

Thank you!
Yesterday’s shift, between the manager, younger than I, who in no sane situation, nothing outside of corporations in this wacked out age and nation, I would ever answer to (this applies to all of them) annoying me via mannerisms, then the zen I felt during a bonkers dinner rush as everyone around me was stressed, the managers eating their hilarious incompetencies as they had to cook the entire time too (saving labor too much lol, food prep an issue lol)

Thank you!
I saw something.
Something shifted.

Ten months ago I felt something in the air. Yesterday, today (now), now I feel something inside of me.

Internal vs external

…..

I was a cali kid, a certain area of socal will likely always feel like home to me, but I do not want to raise children in the heart of moloch.

Regardless of how much my father and I do not see eye to eye I can not hold the fact my childhood was 50/50 split between cali and new england against him.

There were a bunch of advantages to the way it was.

There’s that mantra “life happens for me”. Nothing is going to happen that shouldn’t!

You’re gonna feel pain for a reason.
You’re gonna feel hopeless for a reason.
You’ll see no way out as long as is necessary.

I don’t feel like success here is a guarantee.

Maybe having no doubts and knowing is another step.

Maybe not.

Either way. Something beautiful clicked for me, in my mind.

In the moment, beauty in every moment. Mmm ahh – breathe in, breathe out.

Bask in, it, everything.
Living.

A chin up before laying.
A chin up upon rising.
A lift with the hour I gifted myself via wrist watch alarm.

Work. Smile. Set up in positivity.
To not be depressed. To not be detrained.

And my beard will be back. Red, long, awesome – being a Man.

That’s all it comes down to. Being a man.

-J
Persistence & Tenacity

Glamorous – Fergie